The Gauge of Anxiety

Well, today my knitting blog begins. Since everything about this blogging process is new to me, I am certain it will take a while for me to get the hang of it. I suppose the first few posts will be my gauge swatches. And with that in mind, I want to write about gauge.

Despite my best efforts to loosen up my knitting--be it breathing more deeply, dabbling in picking, or drinking wine--I am a tight knitter. It irritated me for a long time ("If it says 4 1/2 sts per inch on an 8, why is that so impossible for me?!"), but I am working on accepting it as a simple fact of my knitting personality. Now I automatically start my swatches on at least one size bigger than the patterns says. Swatching with the recommended size is just setting myself up for disappointment, and, more importantly, it's a waste of my knitting time.

But as much as I am learning to accept my too-many-stitches-per-inch, I am still a little troubled by the gauge-swatch-as-Rorschach-test idea. I mean, of course my gauge swatches say something about my personality. Uptight? Check. Perfectionist tendencies? Check. Control issues? Check. And you know, I am fine with that when I'm by myself. Where I find it a bit problematic is when I'm swatching in the presence of other knitters. At what other gathering is such a symbol of your personality so easily on display? I don't walk around cocktail parties wearing a sign that says, "Warning: Despite the rather laid-back exterior, I can be rather anal retentive and anxious." So maybe I should just swatch in the privacy of my own home. Or maybe I can stretch the truth a bit when someone asks me what needle the pattern recommended. Or maybe I should try to let this one anxiety go and just be grateful that knitters are an empathetic, kind, and encouraging lot.

Or maybe I should have another glass of wine and a deep breath.